How am I Supposed to Feel?

Grief is unique. There is no one size fits all. No 'this is how it's going to feel and here's how to deal with it,' book and if there is I'm not sure I'd be picking it up. I know there are stages of grief though: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. That's what Google tells me anyway *laughs*

I've been shocked. That came before, where we had to accept that Uncle M was ill and never going to get better. No one expected to hear the news; at least as far as I'm aware no one did. One moment he had an illness he could recover from and the next he has an illness that he can not and will not recover from. I went briefly to not believing this could be true that once more cancer had invaded my family but this time it was taking someone with it. Then that made me understandably angry.

I have to say guilt was a big feeling for me over the first few days. But that's more private. I was lifted when I heard him speak on Wednesday evening. He was tired and weak but I heard him and heard everyone with him, all my family there by his side. I'm so, so happy I told him I loved him. Wednesday appeared to be a good day for him, one of his best. My parents came home on Thursday, he passed away in the early hours of Friday morning. I chose to deal with it later, after my first session at school with reception. I came home and I started to deal with it.

Now I'm just sad. Or I'm okay. I didn't know my uncle well. I wrote to him a number of times, I sent photos of his growing great niece and nephew. I called the hospitals whenever he was admitted with an illness to find out how he was. I now know it doesn't matter that I wasn't able to or never got around to meeting him again and more often. I cared about him and loved him just like we all did and I hope he knows that. In fact, I have no doubts that he knew that.

So I am okay. But I'm also sad. Really sad. Then I'm okay again. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel but I know that whatever it is, it's okay.

Cupcake Mumma

International Day of the Girl

That's what today, the 11th October 2014 is all about. Raising awareness of the inequality and stolen decisions thousands of girls around the world suffer daily. 

As a woman living in the UK I have many rights. I will not be forced into marriage by my family. I married young (at 23) but I did not ever worry that I would be married to a stranger, or a relative stranger at the ages of 15-18 like 41,095 young girls are today. In some countries, forced marriage happens even earlier and it is heart breaking to hear of young girls having their childhood stolen, being forced to marry and start a family so young.

I started a family when I was 18. I was pregnant at 17. Many young girls across the world are much younger when they discover they are with child. Many girls fall pregnant after suffering a sexual attack (rape) whilst others who are still young but enter puberty (start menstruating) are seen as able to bring children into the household. Whether they'd want to or not.

47,000 women (of which young girls are included) die due to unsafe abortion every year. Think whatever you like about abortion, right or wrong, every female deserves a choice when it comes to having children and changing their lives forever. Especially when a girl finds out she is pregnant after being raped. We should always have a choice to continue a pregnancy after suffering a sexual and violent attack, the impact on mental health can be massive and it is important that these girls have information, support and options. Sadly they don't, and  today 191 child brides will die during labour.

International Day of the Girl is about raising awareness for these bright, strong and intelligent girls. They should have rights, they should have education and they should options just as boys and men do. They should not be forced to marry, to die in labour, to carry unwanted children conceived through crime. They should not be one of the 8,000 girls to suffer female genital mutilation (FGM) (a destructive operation, during which the female genitals are partly or entirely removed or injured with the goals of inhibiting a woman's sexual feelings.) in Africa or one of the 54 girls under 15 HERE in the UK today.

Please consider signing this petition to help Plan UK do all they can to fight for these girls and their futures. Please follow PlanUK and visit their website here for more information. It's incredibly important to use our voices when those who are in need cannot always use their own.

Every girl deserves a future. So I lend my voice to this day and hope that one day, every girl will have the same options and choices as we are so lucky to have here.

Co-Sleeping and Why I'd Do it Again

Co-Sleeping and SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) has been in the news once again today but as is often the case the research is all about the risks of suffocating or overheating your baby if they are sleeping in your bed. This is NOT Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Lots of research is being undertaken to try and piece together what exactly happens when a child's body just stops working. Why their heart stops beating. Why they suddenly and sadly are taken from us and with no apparent reason.

Now I have that off my chest I would like to share my experience of Co-Sleeping. As with most things when it comes to parenting you have to make a decision based on your situation, your environment and knowing yourselves. My Husband was not allowed to sleep in the same bed as me and my children. He was more than happy for me to sleep next to our children and was more than understanding when I presented him with the reasons I would not be happy with him staying in bed with us. These were:

• He is built very large (think a bit like a rugby player!)
• He is a very heavy sleeper
• He is overweight
• He smokes before he comes to bed

This was our situation. I made a call, I was happy with this. Both my babies were healthy and they just liked to be near their Mother. It's a fact that your heartbeat and warmth are incredibly comforting to your baby. I got a lot of joy from this. I am not a heavy sleeper, nor do I smoke or drink. The next step to our Co-sleeping was to look at our environment. I would have a cover and was always warm and comfortable enough and my babies were happy in their sleeping bags.

I did all the important checks you would do when placing your child into their cot or Moses basket (which we did as well) No gaps, no teddies, no pillows, no duvets, baby on their back, no bumpers and all the rest.

Co-Sleeping was an amazing experience for myself as a Mother. It's just something I did and it came naturally. My daughter loved it a lot more than my son who took quite nicely to his Moses basket after the first couple of months.My daughter is looking forward to our holiday in 3 weeks because we'll be in a caravan and she'll be in the same bed as Mummy (she's 5! I still love snuggling in bed with Midge but she's such a bed hogger that her having her own bed is a much better option for us all!)

Did you/ do you Co-Sleep? Did it make you feel better about those few months or did it actually make you more anxious leading you to feel better not doing it? I'd love to hear your views. Here is a good piece of information from the BabyCentre on Co-Sleeping safely.

CupcakeMumma