Dear Matilda Mae

I'll be lighting a candle for you tonight Matilda Mae. It's purple and in a heart shape. I made it last year and found it while I was searching for something today. You see, I never met you Matilda Mae, but even the smallest of things will make me think of you.

The Twinkle Twinkle Little Star song on Cbeebies. Pink and purple flowers, stars and hearts. I've thought and prayed about your beautiful family many a time. I'm not sure people always know whether to believe someone when they tell them they are thinking of them. So, in this letter to you Matilda Mae, I'm opening up my prayer journal and sharing some of those thoughts:

February 10th 2013

Please watch over the family of Matilda Mae as they come to terms with the loss of their beautiful baby a week today. May you hold them in your loving arms until they are ready to be reunited again.

April 10th 2013

I would like to pray for Jennie, her husband and their two children. Please help them whilst they grieve the loss of their little girl Matilda Mae. May they continue to be given strength, love and support. May they feel the presence of their daughter in all they do. Please guide them through this very hard time. May Jennie be successful with helping to raise awareness of SIDS and may other families be helped by her feelings and her experience. May they be blessed again.

May 2nd 2013

I pray for Jennie, David, Ester and William today. I pray they have felt the love and support from everyone who cares about them. I pray Matilda Mae is resting peacefully at your side and I pray that although every one of her birthdays is going to be so very, very difficult, that they can find it easier to get past each one in time with your love and strength.

November 30th 2013

I pray for Jennie and her family facing their first Christmas without Matilda Mae.

January 5th 2014

I pray for Jennie and her family that their pain can become less. Please watch over them as the anniversary of Matilda Mae's passing comes ever closer and the day which would mark her 2nd birthday draws nearer.

January 11th 2014

I pray for Jennie and her family as the 2nd of February nears. I pray they can feel less pain in time, although I doubt that is possible when you loose a child.

Dear Matilda Mae,

I think of you and your family every day. Your Mummy has done such wonderful things in your memory. But you already knew that didn't you? I will continue to think of you, continue to pray for your family especially at the times of year where everything should be about you. Your birthday, Christmases. I'll always be sorry you couldn't grow into this world Matilda Mae. You grew your wings instead. And what a beautiful angel you are.

Hannah Xxx

Co-Sleeping and Why I'd Do it Again

Co-Sleeping and SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) has been in the news once again today but as is often the case the research is all about the risks of suffocating or overheating your baby if they are sleeping in your bed. This is NOT Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Lots of research is being undertaken to try and piece together what exactly happens when a child's body just stops working. Why their heart stops beating. Why they suddenly and sadly are taken from us and with no apparent reason.

Now I have that off my chest I would like to share my experience of Co-Sleeping. As with most things when it comes to parenting you have to make a decision based on your situation, your environment and knowing yourselves. My Husband was not allowed to sleep in the same bed as me and my children. He was more than happy for me to sleep next to our children and was more than understanding when I presented him with the reasons I would not be happy with him staying in bed with us. These were:

• He is built very large (think a bit like a rugby player!)
• He is a very heavy sleeper
• He is overweight
• He smokes before he comes to bed

This was our situation. I made a call, I was happy with this. Both my babies were healthy and they just liked to be near their Mother. It's a fact that your heartbeat and warmth are incredibly comforting to your baby. I got a lot of joy from this. I am not a heavy sleeper, nor do I smoke or drink. The next step to our Co-sleeping was to look at our environment. I would have a cover and was always warm and comfortable enough and my babies were happy in their sleeping bags.

I did all the important checks you would do when placing your child into their cot or Moses basket (which we did as well) No gaps, no teddies, no pillows, no duvets, baby on their back, no bumpers and all the rest.

Co-Sleeping was an amazing experience for myself as a Mother. It's just something I did and it came naturally. My daughter loved it a lot more than my son who took quite nicely to his Moses basket after the first couple of months.My daughter is looking forward to our holiday in 3 weeks because we'll be in a caravan and she'll be in the same bed as Mummy (she's 5! I still love snuggling in bed with Midge but she's such a bed hogger that her having her own bed is a much better option for us all!)

Did you/ do you Co-Sleep? Did it make you feel better about those few months or did it actually make you more anxious leading you to feel better not doing it? I'd love to hear your views. Here is a good piece of information from the BabyCentre on Co-Sleeping safely.

CupcakeMumma