Dear Matilda Mae

I'll be lighting a candle for you tonight Matilda Mae. It's purple and in a heart shape. I made it last year and found it while I was searching for something today. You see, I never met you Matilda Mae, but even the smallest of things will make me think of you.

The Twinkle Twinkle Little Star song on Cbeebies. Pink and purple flowers, stars and hearts. I've thought and prayed about your beautiful family many a time. I'm not sure people always know whether to believe someone when they tell them they are thinking of them. So, in this letter to you Matilda Mae, I'm opening up my prayer journal and sharing some of those thoughts:

February 10th 2013

Please watch over the family of Matilda Mae as they come to terms with the loss of their beautiful baby a week today. May you hold them in your loving arms until they are ready to be reunited again.

April 10th 2013

I would like to pray for Jennie, her husband and their two children. Please help them whilst they grieve the loss of their little girl Matilda Mae. May they continue to be given strength, love and support. May they feel the presence of their daughter in all they do. Please guide them through this very hard time. May Jennie be successful with helping to raise awareness of SIDS and may other families be helped by her feelings and her experience. May they be blessed again.

May 2nd 2013

I pray for Jennie, David, Ester and William today. I pray they have felt the love and support from everyone who cares about them. I pray Matilda Mae is resting peacefully at your side and I pray that although every one of her birthdays is going to be so very, very difficult, that they can find it easier to get past each one in time with your love and strength.

November 30th 2013

I pray for Jennie and her family facing their first Christmas without Matilda Mae.

January 5th 2014

I pray for Jennie and her family that their pain can become less. Please watch over them as the anniversary of Matilda Mae's passing comes ever closer and the day which would mark her 2nd birthday draws nearer.

January 11th 2014

I pray for Jennie and her family as the 2nd of February nears. I pray they can feel less pain in time, although I doubt that is possible when you loose a child.

Dear Matilda Mae,

I think of you and your family every day. Your Mummy has done such wonderful things in your memory. But you already knew that didn't you? I will continue to think of you, continue to pray for your family especially at the times of year where everything should be about you. Your birthday, Christmases. I'll always be sorry you couldn't grow into this world Matilda Mae. You grew your wings instead. And what a beautiful angel you are.

Hannah Xxx

Before Your Birthday..

My Little Man,

Tomorrow you turn 2 years old. I have felt that these 2 years have plodded along quite nicely but then, all of a sudden here we are. You're fast asleep in the bedroom you share with your big sister, Midge (who you adore may I add!) Downstairs I have placed your new pop up tent in the front room with a present from Midge and a Thomas Tank Engine bean bag. It looks so cosy, I know you will love it!

From the minute I held you in my arms Little Man I knew we'd have such a special bond. Everything was so different when you arrived which meant we were able to bond quicker and easier than your sister and I. We're all super close now though which is a wonderful feeling!

You really are coming into your own now my Little Boy. You're cheeky and mischievous and hate to be left out. When your big sister has friends over you try and talk to them, play and join in their games despite having no idea what they're going on about! Unlike your sister it's a real challenge to get a good photo of you. You're not such a willing subject and Mummy has to be supper fast!

I cannot believe you have gone from this:

To this:

You can say a few words now you're paying attention a bit more. You say 'Mummy' and 'Daddy' (and Mumma) you can say your sister's name (which was your first word!) I get a few kisses here and there and plenty of hugs from you throughout the day. Daddy jokes that you're my little limpet.
Sometimes we still co-sleep (when Daddy lets us!) You and your blanket are almost permanently attached which is the sweetest thing ever and both you and Midge always get lovely comments about how well behaved and how close you seem.

I'm very proud to have you as my son Little Man and I cannot wait to continue to watch you grow.
Love you forever,
Mummy xxxx